Plans to test 5-year-olds is not the coalition’s worst policy – but it’s their stupidest

Pride's Purge

(not satire – it’s UK education today)

Have any government ministers ever actually spoken to a 4-year-old child?

Because formally testing children at that age has got to be the stupidest idea the coalition has come up with yet.

This is what a formal test of a 4-year-old is likely to look like:

EXAMINER: Hello, what’s your name?

4-YEAR-OLD: Tom.

EXAMINER: Hello, Tom. And what’s your surname?

4-YEAR-OLD: I like sausages. Do you think we’re going to have sausages for tea today?

EXAMINER: Erm, I don’t know. Your surname?

4-YEAR-OLD: Trump.

EXAMINER: Trump’s your surname?

4-YEAR-OLD: He he he …. (blowing raspberries and laughing hysterically) … that’s what a trump sounds like. 

EXAMINER: Right. OK. Well maybe we can forget the surname. Let’s have a look at these shapes and can you tell me which one is the square?

4-YEAR-OLD: (without moving) Yes.

EXAMINER: Can you show me by pointing?

4-YEAR-OLD:…

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